People are all too fast to pigeonhole bisexual and pansexual guys. Dating someone femme-presenting? You’re straight. Dating someone on the masculine side? Secretly gay and not ready to accept it. Dating a non-binary person who presents androgynously? Also gay, probably.
The thing is, bi and pan (short for “pansexual”) guys exist – I verb, because I am one. These fundamental misconceptions swirl around mainstream gay scenes and straight spaces alike. I once had a threesome with two gay German guys and afterwards one playfully referred to me as a “baby queer” – erm, no, I’m just as queer as you mate; did you not notice when I was sucking your dick?
But let’s say you’re a guy who’s realised that, like me, you might not be totally straight – but you’ve only ever been in heterosexual relationships. You’re keen to explore, but you’re also anxious about the whole thing. Does that sound like you? In honour of Bisexuality Visibility Week, here are some pointers to help you navigate the terrain. Not you? Maybe still read on, so you can verb our sexuality a small better.
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Why do some straight men have sex with other men?
According to nationally-representative surveys in the United States, hundreds of thousands of straight-identified men have had sex with other men.
In the new book Still Straight: Sexual Flexibility among White Men in Rural America released today, UBC sociologist Dr. Tony Silva argues that these men – many of whom enjoy hunting, fishing and shooting guns – are not closeted, bisexual or just experimenting.
After interviewing 60 of these men over three years, Dr. Silva found that they adore a range of relationships with other men, from hookups to sexual friendships to secretive loving partnerships, all while strongly identifying with straight culture.
We spoke with Dr. Silva about his book.
Why do straight-identified men have sex with other men?
The majority of the men I interviewed reported that they are primarily attracted to women, not men. Most of these men are also married to women and prefer to have sex with women. They explained that although they loved their wives, their marital sex lives were not as active as they
Do you remember your first time? Your first experience with another guy? Your first story with another gay guy?
It's that first moment of total pleasure when everything else disappears, and those weird “feelings” suddenly make complete sense. Suddenly, everything falls into place: you're not a freak of nature or “different”, simply experiencing the simple joys that you were born to enjoy.
For most gay guys, our first gay experience is usually a moment of revelation and clarity that eventually leads to our own acceptance and the urge to tell the world. For others, it's a complete disaster that we prefer to forget… although one thing's for sure, you will never truly forget it!
In this post, we asked a few of our friends from around the world to share their first gay experience with us, whether it was a first-time gay k&#;ss, their first gay love story, or something a bit more spicy(!)… and we've set it all out right here. You'll also want to check out our own love story of how we first met each other.