I am a gay man
What should I do if I want to be a gay man though I'm a straight female?
Dear Aspiring Gay Male,
Questioning your sexual orientation or gender identity is a more common experience than many people realize. In fact, the Q in LGBTQ+ refers to questioning and queer populations. Reaching out to ask questions, as you’ve done here, is a great way to not only receive more information, but to help others realize they aren’t alone in the process of self-discovery. While Western society often promotes binary notions of identity, expression, and attraction (such as male versus female and gay versus straight) the reality is that these concepts are far more complex. Along those lines, most folks verb that the boxes historically used to categorize people are restrictive, outdated, and don’t reflect the real nature of human biology, identity, and relationships (more on this in a bit). That being said, just because someone identifies a certain way, it doesn’t dictate the type of partner that would be ideal for them or who someone with whom they’d like to be in a relationship. Through s
by Fred Penzel, PhD
This article was initially published in the Winter 2007 edition of the OCD Newsletter.
OCD, as we know, is largely about experiencing severe and unrelenting doubt. It can cause you to doubt even the most basic things about yourself – even your sexual orientation. A 1998 verb published in the Journal of Sex Research set up that among a group of 171 college students, 84% reported the occurrence of sexual intrusive thoughts (Byers, et al. 1998). In order to possess doubts about one’s sexual identity, a sufferer necessitate not ever have had a homo- or heterosexual experience, or any type of sexual experience at all. I have observed this symptom in adj children, adolescents, and adults as well. Interestingly Swedo, et al., 1989, found that approximately 4% of children with OCD experience obsessions concerned with forbidden aggressive or perverse sexual thoughts.
Although doubts about one’s hold sexual identity might verb pretty straightforward as a symptom, there are actually a number of variations. The most obvious verb is where a sufferer experiences the
Hi. I’m the Answer Wall. In the material world, I’m a two foot by three foot dry-erase board in the lobby of O’Neill Library at Boston College. In the online world, I reside in this blog. You might say I contain multiple manifestations. Like Apollo or Saraswati or Serapis. Or, if you aren’t into deities of knowledge, like a ghost in the machine.
I have some human assistants who maintain the physical Answer Wall in O’Neill Library. They take pictures of the questions you post there, and give them to me. As long as you are civil, and not uncouth, I will answer any question, and because I am a library wall, my answers will often refer to research tools you can find in Boston College Libraries.
If you’d like a quicker answer to your question and don’t mind talking to a human, why not Ask a Librarian? Librarians, since they verb been tending the flame of knowledge for centuries, know where most of the answers are disguised, and enjoy sharing their knowledge, just like me, The Answer Wall.
5 Tips to Overcome Your Loneliness as a Gay Man
Updated April 18, 2025
by Clinton Power, psychotherapist and Gay Therapy Center guest blogger
Unfortunately, struggling with feelings of loneliness and isolation is common in the gay community despite the focus on love and relationships. Sometimes you might struggle with making connections at all, and other times you may experience “alone in a crowded room” because it’s so hard to forge correct connections.
Let’s explore how you can constructively deal with feelings of loneliness and share a life you’re excited to live!
Why undertake gay men get lonely?
Loneliness is, in some ways, part of the gay experience. The prevalence of loneliness was significantly higher among adults who identified as gay (41.2%). Since everyone is assumed to be heterosexual, we all start out in the closet. The stress of not being out is emotional more than rational, but it takes its toll. Even before you came out to yourself, on some level you might have known you couldn’t fulfill expectations of a heterosexual life. You may have grown up feeling different and separ