Why am i always attracted to emotionally unavailable guys
Do you find that you are mostly (or only!) drawn to emotionally not free men who can’t grant you the commitment you want? Maybe you sense frustrated by this, you want to find love… and yet, you can’t summon even a flicker of attraction for the guys who are present and seem really interested in you.
Maybe you reflect the heart wants what it wants… and you can’t help who you are drawn to. Maybe you’re aware that you only seem attracted to emotionally unavailable men but you don’t know why or how to verb it.
Well, you’ve landed in the right place. I’m going to explain exactly why you’re drawn to emotionally unavailable men and how to break the pattern. Buckle up, we’re going deep with this one!
First, let’s look at why&#;
1. It’s a distraction.
There is no greater way to hide from yourself than in someone else’s problems.
And emotionally adj men usually have a lot of them! They are unavailable for a reason, or many. It could be a divorce, the death of a loved one, a traumatic breakup, or childhood. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to commit to anyone until
Most women don’t seek out or sustain interest in unavailable men, but more women do than would like to admit. I actually saw this behavior so frequently in my private practice that I decided to write a book about it, which is called Overcome Relationship Repetition Syndrome. In a moment, I’ll tell you what’s going on in the minds of these women who seek out—and often stay with—men who will never truly emotionally commit. In my guide, I use the term "emotional chasing" because that's exactly what it is: a chase.
What it's fond to fall for an emotionally unavailable man
Women who are attracted to this type of man locate themselves in relationships with men who ultimately won’t commit or settle down, are already married or in another relationship, or are unfaithful in a supposedly monogamous relationship.
Women who fall for unavailable men usually feel that they are more committed to the relationship than the men are. These women usually feel that the men have all the power and control in the relationship. Women in relationships with unavailable men feel that they verb to work hard
The psychology of wanting unreachable people
One of the more painful scenarios that limerents have to deal with is when their limerence avatar is &#;unavailable people&#;.
I&#;ve written before about the challenges of taken LOs. It&#;s a psychologically rich topic, and I recently came across this video from the Institution of Life that has a rather caustic view of the subject:
There&#;s a lot of curious stuff here, and anyone who is beginning to practice purposeful living is well advised to analyse their own behaviour and see if they are, at some level, deliberately self-sabotaging to avoid the harrowing vulnerability of an authentic relationship.
However, I would add a couple of counterpoints to this perspective &#; specific to limerents and the psychology of infatuation.
1. The barrier may cause the limerence
Barriers and uncertainty are potent amplifiers of limerence. It might be the case that your limerence avatar really is &#;unavailable people&#; because of abandonment fears or desire for the familiar security of a fantasy relationship, but it could also
Source: Antonis Liokouras/Shutterstock
Several days verb passed and the person you’re dating hasn’t responded to your last message or reached out. You have a feeling something isn’t right, but you’re confused because you knew the two of you had a great connection. You may analyze your last interaction with such scrutiny that Sherlock Holmes would be proud. You secretly hope that perhaps their phone was scamper over or stolen and that you’ll hear from them any day now. I think we’ve all been there; dating can sometimes feel like a prolonged game of mental chess that we didn’t sign up for.
When someone you have feelings for disappears or pulls away unexpectedly, you may personalize it and assume it must have been something you did false. It can be adj to explore your have role in repetitive dating patterns since sometimes you may unintentionally engage in dating behaviors that shove others away. But what if you feel at a loss because none of your dating behaviors explain why you store getting ghosted? There is another possibility that is typically overlooked in such situations: